Losing Touch

breathing_deeply

breath. focus on third eye. as i was taught, push tongue to roof of month. inhale deeply from belly. let it out. repeat. s l o w l y. body becomes like jelly. breath. mind begins to drift. thinks of sounds that move adrift. in the mix. in the home. in the mind. noise is everywhere. real and imagined. bring mind back to breathe.

i have not been the person writing. i have been a person deprived through expression. an online profile getting a fix. looking for approval from friends in the mix. that i don’t know. never will. wall photos and data flows. please like my update and i’ll get by. leave me a comment and i’ll get high. just knowing that there is someone to connect with. i might never know you but to hell with it. it’s all we’ve got. this new paradigm. once thought of as the sublime. to know we exist, together.

breath. a storm breaks out above my eyes. white lightning bugs pop and crackle like flies. a cloud of consciousness becomes unraveled. breath. back to breathe. we live attached. i don’t know your name or number. it’s stored on some computer. somewhere. an app records it. all i used to once know it, now backed up. now not even knowing my home phone number. never writing letters on paper. always typing on things. through touch we’ve lost touch. i thank people via emails that don’t get read. thank you for reading now. reading means something somehow.

breath. there’s a world outside my window. seasons sprung. Floridians have begun hibernation through the Summer fun. as life cooks on in concrete strip malls. the passing of the marching ants of all that is human. returning Amazon shipments to UPS. popping into Publix for a fix. going to endless kid’s birthday parties in the mix. cakes are baked. kids learn to skate. kids learn to hate. screaming at you in the morning for waking them from bed. not liking the oatmeal they are fed. as you dream of putting them back to bed.

breath. sometimes i need a break. a day to do nothing. not to think of chores. of civil wars. not to think of more. of what i could have done. of what life has in store. what legacy i can leave behind for folks to respect or deplore. am i respected by my family now. will the world live on in its insanity. to share its vanity. what if. what if. we made the right choices and corrected our ways. we know what is a need and what is a want. we are taught this from birth. but most continue to grab. grab for more. store. store for more. feel. feel for more. never to abstain. creating more. more pain. i try to reframe the moments between breathe.

breath. i’ve done nothing. been sleeping. breath. no need to wake up. mind says, get up, at least eat lunch. always something. hairballs from my cats float by. i’m breathing debris from all. molecules from every human to have ever lived. every dinosaur to have died and saturated soil to make crude oil live. i’m breathing you. you’re breathing me. do you understand. breath. breath deeply in

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